⚠️ Warning  ⚠️

This post may contain themes of an emotional nature. If you came here for Only Vans and unsolicited beach pics, it’s not too late to turn back.

07 March 2011

They say that your wedding day is one of the happiest days of your life? Is it though? But first let’s go back….

Approx 5 weeks earlier

Gareth and I were both on exercise at the same time, but in different locations, as was the norm. Preparing to deploy on a six-month tour to Afghanistan. Interesting twist: same country, same dates, but somehow still unable to see each other

If you are not familiar with the military, every time you do a 6-month tour, you are given a 2-week holiday, this is known as R&R (rest and recuperation). You go off to do what you want and then return to carry on.

I was currently serving at 2 Battalion (2Bn) and Gareth was serving at 4 Scots .

It was at this time we were both individually asked when we would like our R&R to be. (There were time slots you could choose, it wasn’t as given but you could hope for the best).  We both answered that we didn’t care when it would be, as long as it could be at the same time as the others. 4 Scots were like, “No problem, we will liaise with 2Bn.” 2Bn were like, “You aren’t married, you will get your R&R when we decide.”

Thus an idea was born. I phoned Gareth and said, “Hey, you want to get married so we can have R&R together?” And the rest, as they say, is history.

The Interim

What happened next was a whirl wind of trying to find somewhere to get married, somewhere to have the bands read all in about a 4 week period.

As we were based in Germany there was a church and both units had a Padre. I phoned 2Bn Padre and this is how that went:

Me: Hey Padre, Cpl Moomin from 2Bn REME I was wondering if you would be able to marry myself and Cpl Moomin the 2nd before we deploy to Afghanistan in 4 weeks?

Padre: Of course we can, absolutely no problem, if you can just drop in at the earliest convenience to do the bands and then come to service every Sunday before the wedding.

Me: You fugging what?

Padre: Cpl Moomin, you want to get married in a church you will have to attend service every week beforehand

Me: The fugg I will Padre

Solid dial tone as the man clearly exhausted by my heathen self hung up

I don’t know how, but we managed to get our bands read in Lincoln, and a date was set for 07 March 2011 at Grantham Registry Office.

07 March 2011 (again)

I’m not sure this day will go down as the wedding of the century but we had a nice day. Starting with pancakes in the OK diner, followed by some faff where promises were made, til death do us part.. followed by afternoon tea in a local hotel where we all then promptly fell asleep after indulging too many scones. An evening meal in the hotel with close family and that was about the extent of it.

I think we deployed to Afghanistan about 4 or so days later and I cannot describe the absolute joy to be stood on Parade, have them call out my name “Cpl Moomin”, me to ignore it, the Sgt Major to start ripping me a new one, for me to then say “oh you mean me, you got my name wrong it’s Cpl James now” (fugggg you).

If anyone ever wondered why I didn’t climb the career ladder as I should have, it’s exactly because of things like this.

07 March 2026

Today marks the day we should have been celebrating our 15th Wedding Anniversary. Instead I’m stuck in the realisation that he has now been gone longer than we were married. I don’t know how to feel. I am angry at the world for taking him away and this day weighs heavy on my soul. At the same time I am slowly navigating this new future alone and starting to accept that just maybe it will be ok, that it is ok to move forward.

Is it really better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

How Long Will I Love You (Ellie Goulding 2013)

Only a handful of other people know this story, I hope by sharing it, it takes some of the pain out of this song and instead brings a happier memory.

Anyone who knows me knows I am absolutely rubbish at saying aloud how I feel. I communicate very well through music. Every blog post title has been a window into how I am feeling at the time of writing. Plagiarism at its finest, using another’s words to vocalise what I cannot for myself.

Gareth was not this man. Not only could he not really ever say how he felt, he could not find a song to sum it up either. Men, huh!

That is until one day he came down stairs all pleased with himself, shouting that he had finally done it. That’s right he finally had found a song that summed up how he felt about me, and damn it’s a good one. 6 months later he was gone.

So next time you listen to Ellie Goulding’s How Long Will I Love You, maybe you’ll understand why sometimes I can be found just staring at the stars.

XOXO